Snippet of my upcoming fiction (unedited):

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Chapter One 

X-Mas

It’s Christmas Eve and Dad was supposed to be here. He called a few days ago to tell us he wouldn’t make it. Every year he made us forget that we didn’t have a mother, he made me forget at least. Lipton can’t forget who he still considered an “active” mother and Jerry will probably never forget what we had. She didn’t die or anything, though it’d be better if she had. I will never forgive her for leaving us, but I miss her still. I know my Dad misses her too even though he doesn’t show it. 

He’s not around much either, but we’re used to that. He joined the military before I was born and has been away off and on for seventeen years. He plans to retire when he reaches twenty years and then we won’t have this problem anymore. He’s come home from Christmas the past three years but this year he couldn’t get the time off for whatever reason. Lipton, my little brother, doesn’t know. I don’t know why Jerry, my oldest brother, hasn’t told him yet. 

Jerry is nineteen and has been taking care of us for a while. He’s always been the more responsible one of us. When our mom left when I was about six, we lived with our Granny Nette, who lives only a few blocks away, until Jerry was about seventeen. We eventually moved back home. Dad sends Jerry money for food, clothes, and whatever else we need. He pays the bills from wherever he’s at, except the power bill. Jerry takes care of that one. 

I like living with Jerry, but I love when Dad comes home especially for Christmas. On Christmas Eve he would give all of us our own big popcorn tin, the one that has three different flavors all in one. Then, we would watch The Polar Express in the living room on repeat until we fell asleep. We’d wake up on Christmas the next morning, to his Christmas playlist turned up loud. Silent Night by the Temptations is still my favorite.

We always got three gifts each with one of them being something from our list of junk that we’d write and send to him every November so he could get an early start. He hated being late for anything and he did not do things last minute if he could help it. After opening our presents, we’d walk over to Granny Nette’s for Christmas dinner and to give her the stuff we picked up for her. I hate that he’s not here this year. 

“Riri?” Lipton said, waving his hand back and forth in front of my face. The smell of ginger was strong coming from his little hand. Lipton is eleven.

“Riri!” He yelled. 

“What do you want Lipton?” I snapped. 

“Come try my cookies, I want to make sure they’re ready for when Dad comes home.” He ran excited for me to follow him. I looked over at Jerry, who was sitting on the gray loveseat across from me. 

“You want to tell him or want me to?” I asked. 

“I’ll do it,” Jerry said in his serious voice. We try to be gentle with Lipton since he’s the youngest. He’s the sensitive one out of the three of us and it’s not hard to make him cry. I know he’ll cry when he hears that Dad isn’t coming home this year. 

“Come here Lip, sit down,” Jerry said pointing to a chair at the round wooden table where we normally ate. I followed and sat in the empty chair next to his. He looked concerned as he slid the black oven mitts from his hands. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, sitting down. 

Jerry and I glanced at each other for a second before he started. “Dad isn’t coming this year, Lip.” He said. 

“Oh,” Lipton replied. 

“Yeah, and look, that don’t mean we can’t have a good time–” Jerry looked over at me. “Just the three of us.”

Lipton looked down and bit his bottom lip, probably to stop himself from crying. 

“You okay?” I asked, putting my hand on his arm. He nodded up and down but didn’t say anything else. 

“I have something for y’all,” Jerry said heading out of the room and then there was a knock at the door. I got up to answer it, hoping it was Dad coming to surprise us. 

“Who is it?” I asked while attempting to stand on my tippy toes to look through the peephole. There’s no answer. It must be Dad trying to surprise us. Who else could it be? I thought to myself as the excitement boiled up at the bottom of my stomach. I swung open the poorly painted red door. 

“Hi baby,” I heard and the excitement in my stomach went away. “Well, are you gonna let me in or keep me standing out here in this cold?” 

“Who is it?” Jerry asked, coming from his and Lipton’s room with his arms wrapped around two holiday popcorn tins. I stepped back and opened the door wider. 

“Mommy!” Lipton jumped up and ran to hug her. Oh crap. I thought. I could tell by Jerry’s face that he was thinking the same thing, probably going with a different word. It’s been two years since we last saw our mom and four years before that. When we saw her two years ago it didn’t go well.

It was the first year we moved back to the house with Jerry. Someone must have told her, because not even a week went by before she showed up. When I was six, I remember how beautiful she was. She is about 5’4, has beautiful caramel skin that compliments her dark brown curly hair and she has hazel eyes like mine. She always dressed nice like she was always going out for job interviews even though she had a job. The mess that showed up two years ago didn’t look like her at all, but I guess that’s what drugs and alcohol will do to you. 

I wonder what she wants this time. Last time, she ended up pocketing the money Dad left us to survive on. That was my fault. I made it home before the boys did from school that day. She was sitting on the steps in front of the house and I invited her in, so happy to see her after so long. I thought it was a gift from God to have her show up when she did. I was about fourteen and I was having some stomach problems that I wanted to ask her about.

Excited, I sat her at the kitchen table and jumped at the chance to make her my famous spaghetti. It was the only thing I could make and the boys loved when I did. 

“I’m so happy to see you all grown up Riri,” she said, with her arms folded across her body tightly gripping at each other. Her hair was a mess and she smelled bad. She wore a faded pink tank top that had a dark colored stain on it and blue jeans. 

“I’m happy to see you too Mama,” I said, hurrying to make the food. She didn’t stay in one place too long so I knew I had to move quickly. 

“That smells good, I can’t wait to try it.” She said, looking around nervously. 

“It is good, the boys love it! Oh, they will be home soon by the way. Lipton is getting so big and you should see the top of Jerry’s head,” I joked since Jerry had recently gotten golden tips at the ends of his short locs. 

“And where’s your daddy? Is he gone?” She asked calmly looking around the living room. 

“Yes ma’am, he is at his duty station in Fort Campbell,” I said, draining the ground beef into a funnel that was sitting at the top of a mason jar. 

“Oowwee, listen to my baby! You’re so polite,” she said, jumping up and walking over near me. “And you’re so pretty.” She said, lifting up a piece of my dark brown hair from my shoulder. 

“Thank you, Mama.” I said, smiling and pouring the Ragu into the pot of cooked meat and noodles. “It’s almost ready.” 

She leaned against the countertop next to me and sighed loudly. I looked over at her and her head was down in both her hands. She was crying or something like it. I stopped what I was doing and stepped by her side. “Mama, what’s wrong?” I asked, placing my hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s not your problem. Don’t worry–” She tilted her head back, sniffed, then smiled at me as the tears ran down her face, “I’ll be fine.”

“What is it? I want to help,” I said, feeling bad for her. Then she told me the thing I’ve waited years to hear. 

“I want to come home, but I need to get clean first. I miss my family, I miss my little girl–” she slid her hand down a bigger section of my hair “I need to be there for you.” 

A tear ran down my face and I smiled at her. I wanted her to come home so badly and be my mom again. We needed her. Then Jerry wouldn’t have to take care of us, he could go off to college like he always wanted to in a couple of years. 

“I want you to come home too. We all do,” I said. 

“I know baby,” she said, placing her dirty hand softly on my cheek to wipe away my tears. “But for me to do that…I need money so I can get cleaned up first.” 

My eyebrows frowned, because I didn’t have any money. “I don’t have any money, Mom. But I want you to stay, so when the boys get here I can ask Jerry if–” she stopped me. 

“Let me tell you something. You don’t need the boys. You are smart and I know you can think of something.” She reached down and cupped my hands in hers. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said confused. 

“Just think. What could you have that could help me?” I tried to think, but I was still so lost, then she said, “Even if it’s only a month’s worth.” Then I knew what she meant. She had found out about the money Dad sent us monthly and I knew exactly where Jerry kept it. 

Without saying a word, I ran into Jerry and Lipton’s room and went through the third drawer of the big dresser in the corner. I pulled out a white envelope and opened it to make sure there was cash in it. I ran back into the kitchen where I left her standing. 

“Here–” I held the envelope out to her. “I didn’t count it, I hope this is enough to help.” 

She grabbed it, looked in it, then folded it before shoving it into one of her back pockets. I was so proud and couldn’t wait until the boys were home so I could tell them the good news. 

“This will help, thank you Charity,” she said, looking past my face and then slightly pushing past me in a hurry. She headed for the back door through the kitchen and reached for the knob.

“Wait–” I called after her and she stopped. “Where are you going? Aren’t you going to sit down and eat with me?” I said pointing over at the full pot on the stove. Then without turning around she said, “Maybe some other time Riri, I have to get to the shelter and get clean…I’ll come back for you and your brothers too.”

Then she opened the door and walked out. When Jerry and Lipton came home, I made them bowls of the Spaghetti and told them what happened. I knew they would be so happy. Jerry sent Lip to their room and told me he’d wait with me for her to come back. When it got late and she didn’t show up, he explained to me that she wasn’t coming back and how it was never her plan. 

“Why did you wait with me if you knew she lied?” I asked with tears streaming down my face and feeling like a stupid little girl for wanting her mommy. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, leaned me against his, and said, “I had to let it hurt so you’d remember the pain. Now you’ll never forget who she really is.” He told Dad that he lost the money and he was right, I never forgot.