Why doesn’t she love me? I know she doesn’t because if she did, she would be here. I think about Mama all the time but I barely know what she looks like. I know the drugged out messy look—that’s the only look I ever see but I wonder how she looked before. How she smelled before. From the way things are…I guess I’ll never know.
There’s a knock at his bedroom door.
“Yeah?” He’s sitting on his bed and doesn’t feel like getting up.
“Lip? You comin’ out?” It’s Jerry.
Lipton takes his headphones from around his neck and hops off the bed to open to the door.
“Hey Jerry! Is Dad here yet?” He asks excitedly.
“Uh—not yet. You need to get out this room lil man. Come chill with us for a minute.” Jerry says playfully rubbing the top of Lipton’s head.
They go in the living room where Silent Night by The Temptations is playing on their Dad’s stereo. It’s Christmas Eve and Lipton is patiently waiting for his Dad to come for a visit.
He’s been in the military for the last 17 years and most times he comes home right before Christmas—but not this year.
Lipton hears his sister, Charity (Riri for short), whispering to Jerry in the kitchen. He turns on the TV and pretends he’s not listening.
“Did you tell him yet?” She says to Jerry.
“Not yet, but I will.” Jerry replies.
“Well hurry up, I don’t want him crying all night long.”
“Riri, I got it. Don’t worry,” Jerry says and then goes to sit next to Lipton on the couch.
“Lip?” Jerry starts.
“Yeah Jerry? What’s up?” Lipton says trying to act causal.
“I’m sorry to tell you this man…but Dad’s not gonna be able to make it this year.”
Lipton feels something in his chest. It’s heavy but he doesn’t want to cry in front of his ‘always cool’ big brother. He bites down on his tongue a little instead, but that only made his eyes water.
“Be a man Lipton.” He tells himself and without looking at him he says to Jerry, “Okay, thanks for letting me know.”
Surprised, Jerry rubs Lipton’s head again and goes into the kitchen.
Lipton, still sitting on the dark colored long couch turned his face to the wall and let a few tears fall.
“Lipton, are you making cookies tonight?” Riri asked from the kitchen, only a few feet away.
He clears his throat and talks in the deepest voice he could muster, “Yes, I’m making them.” He quickly dries his face, turns around, and gives her a smile.
“Okay—well hurry up before we start the movie.” She says.
“I’ll be there in a second,” Lipton says and let out a long breath before going to bake the cookies.
The kitchen is warm and cozy and has a small eating space with a dinner table. The island is not far from it or the oven. There are strings of multi-colored Christmas lights lined around the windows and you could see the the lights reflecting off of them.
There’s a knock at the back door that’s through the kitchen. The three of them look at each other.
“I knew Dad was coming!” Lipton yells.
He runs to the door and swings it open with force—but it wasn’t his dad.
“Hey baby! Merry Christmas!”
“Shit,” Jerry says aloud.
“Mama!” Lipton yells throwing his arms around her thin waist.
His nose almost immediately scrunches upward and the longer he held on the more of a bad taste he got in his mouth.
“Hey, you gonna let Mama come in? It’s cold out here tonight,” she says hugging him back. He lets go and allows her to walk in closing the door behind her.
Her dark brown hair was long and matted, sticking out from all sides of her head and she looked tired. She was wear faded blue jeans that seemed to be falling off of her and her top was more stain than shirt.
“What are you doin’ here?” Jerry asks in a serious tone.
She playfully pinches Lipton’s little cheeks and say, “Well it’s Christmas and I wanted to see my babies. Lipton laughs.
“I’m glad you’re here Mama, I made cookies!” Lipton says giving her a gingerbread.
She takes it and walks around. She starts pulling open drawers making the silverware rattle when she closed them.
“So where’s ya Daddy?” She asks Riri, who looks super annoyed by her presence.
“Not here.” She says coldly.
Lipton grows anxious with every encounter. He doesn’t want her to leave and he remembers that he made something for her.
“Mama, I made you something. Let me go get it!” He yells running to his room but he couldn’t find it.
“Where is it?” He asks himself aloud.
He destroys his room searching. Then he runs to his Dad’s room after thinking of the last place he had it.
He checked everywhere, pretty much destroying that room too. Then he drops down to check under the bed. He didn’t find it, but he did find a box he hasn’t seen before.
Curious, he slides the box from under the bed. It’s a plain black rectangular box. He removes the lid and sees a man’s wedding band along with a few documents.
He begins reading and his chest feels heavy again.
After noting his name, he read the same line in the document over and over focusing hard on what it said.
“The alleged father is excluded as the biological father of the child.”
Tears fell unto the paper and he didn’t try to stop them. He sat down with his back against the bed feeling like the last eleven years of his life have all been a lie.
Warm tears continued to run down his smooth brown cheeks. He cries a lot—for a lot of reasons, but this cry…felt different.
Two days later…
Lipton is sitting next to his Dad in an interrogation room at the local police station. An officer walks in and says, “Thank you for your cooperation son and I’m sorry again for your loss.”
Lipton not looking the officer in the eye, nods before standing up.
“Come on son, let’s go home.” His dad says, motioning him to the door.
They got home and Lipton goes straight into his bedroom without stopping to take off his coat or boots. He locks the door behind him.
He grabs his phone and connects the bluetooth to his wireless speakers, then he turns the volume up loud.
His chest is tightening again but this time it feels like it’s about to explode. With his coat still, on he throws himself down at the foot of his bed and grabs onto his knees—rocking to the hard rhythm while staring off.
Tears slowly pool at the bottom of his eyes before getting full enough to start pouring out.
“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” he says to himself, still rocking.
The music is so loud that he can’t hear anything outside of his room. He continues to rock. Back and forth. Back and forth. There’s a window with the curtains open in front of him and he looks up at the light blue winter sky.
“That wasn’t supposed to happen!” He says again, this time louder.
“He’s supposed to be here! He’s supposed to be here!” He yells again. He breaks apart his arms that were locked around his knees and he starts throwing everything in his reach.
The lamp from the tall dresser by the wall. Broken.
The book of laminated Pokémon cards, tossed.
The glass picture frame of him with Jerry, shattered.
He yells and cries at the top of his lungs. His door opens and his dad rushes in.
Riri watches by the door with her hand covering her mouth. Fresh tears run out over the old white streaks from earlier.
“Lipton, Lipton! I got you son.” His dad says, grabbing onto him as he aggressively tries to resist, at first.
His dad got a firm grip of Lipton’s head and push it into his own chest, holding onto him tightly.
“It’s gone be okay, Son. I got you,” he say again, resting his chin on the top of Lipton’s head and letting his own emotions overtake him.
“He was supposed to be here, Dad.” Lipton manages to let out one final time in between the loud cries and and hard sniffing.
“I know he is,” He looks out of the window “Jerry is supposed to be here. I know, Son.”
Okay that’s enough! 😭😭😭 R.I.P Jerry ❤️🩹
This is just a little spin-offish piece I wrote to introduce my new upcoming book Dear Chicago: A Note From Charity.
The book is a story about how 17 year-old Charity (MC) has to step up to fill the shoes of Jerry(19) while her dad finishes his last term in the Army. The story takes place in the Southside of Chicago where crime is literally at their front door. Even if it wasn’t, no one around gets any peace with the wannabe gang the Yolo Savages walking around. It’s filled with relatable characters and memorable scenes (I have a feeling you’ll love Granny Nette 🥰).
To stay updated on the release date of this story subscribe to my site below. I can’t wait to get this one out!
Author Vera Knight 